The Great Tomato Theft
by Sadik
Summary: Someone has stolen all of Spain's tomatoes, and it is up to Romano to help Spain find them again! Rated for Romano swearing at least every other sentence, if not more. Many pairings implied. Oneshot.


_A/N: Well, this was a request from someone on dA who, it seems, actually liked my RomexGermania story... So they asked me to write something SpainxRomano. I, of course, failed terribly, and this was all I could think of. What's that? I'm strange? Why yes, I am. But then, you have to be at least a bit odd to be so obsessed with Hetalia XD_

_Anyways, I wanted to write something at least slightly romantic, but as you can see, that didn't turn out so well, and it ended up as this thing you see here._

**DISCLAIMER:** Hetalia does not belong to me, obviously. If it did, I'd change a few things, (like have Turkey appear more D:) but it's an extremely awesome series as is X3

Oh, and just warning you now, there is quite a bit of OOC-ness going on here DX And I randomly switch how they refer to each other. But hopefully you'll still enjoy it...

* * *

"Romano! My tomatoes! Th-they're _all gone_!" Romano looked up to see a rather horrified and scared looking Spain running towards him.

"All of them? Even those ones you were saving for 'emergencies'?" Spain only nodded. "Well, I didn't eat them, if that's why you're here. So stop looking at me like that." Romano could tell that Antonio had at least slight suspicions that he, Romano, had eaten them all, but even he wouldn't do something like that. He cared too much- Er, didn't care at all about that tomato-bastard, but still wouldn't steal _all_ his tomatoes. Yes, he had to admit he might have taken a _few _every now and then, but could you blame him?

"No, mi amigo, of course I don't blame you. I don't think even _you_ could eat _that_ many… So anyways, could you help me look for them? Or at least help me figure out what happened to them all… If we do find them, I'll give you half, okay? Is that enough of an incentive to help?"

Well, Spain did have a lot of tomatoes. So Romano agreed, figuring this would be a good chance to get some easy tomatoes? Because how far could this tomato thief have taken them?

--

**Suspect #1**

"So, what were you doing on the night of August the fifth?" Romano asked the suspect sitting before him in a very serious voice.

"You mean last night? Being awesome, of course. What else do I ever do? Well, if you want something more specific, I was drinking with West, and then-"

"Okay, that's enough. We will go ask him to corroborate your story. You wouldn't have happened to see any tomatoes, though, would you?"

"Tomatoes? Of course not. What would I want with tomatoes? I did have potatoes, and beer, and wurst, and more beer, but that was it, I think. Oh, and more beer. And now, if you don't mind, even the awesome me gets hangovers, so could you please leave me alone so I can sleep?" With that, Prussia, not waiting for a reply, left the room, and probably went back to sleep. Romano didn't bother to check, though, since from what he said, it seemed pretty clear he hadn't taken the tomatoes.

"Well, Tomato Bastard, I don't think Gilbert took your tomatoes. Should we interview Ludwig, too, since we're at his house?"

"Sure, go ahead, Lovi, whatever you want." Spain seemed perfectly happy to let the Italian do all the work, and it seemed that he had even fallen asleep while Romano was interviewing Prussia. Well, _someone_ had to do the work, and with the promise of so many tomatoes ahead, Romano was quite happy to do it. Well, if not happy, at least willing. So, now to interview the potato bastard. This was definitely not what he wanted to be doing; even the thought of _talking_ to that bastard was frightening (although he would never admit it out loud.) Well, somehow his idiot brother managed to survive every day, so hopefully this wouldn't go too badly.

--

**Suspect #2**

"So, what were you doing on the night of August the fifth, Potato bastard?" Romano was nearly yelling at the German, his dislike not hidden at all.

Ludwig sighed. "Last night? From what time?"

"Er… Spain, what time did you last see the tomatoes?" The Italian turned around to see Antonio looking up groggily, as if he had just been napping. Which he probably had been. And to think he had seemed so worried about his tomatoes.

"Eh? W-what? Oh, when did I last see them? About six, I think. Yeah. I went and ate one at six, and then I left to go do other things."

"So," Romano said, turning back to Germany, "What were you doing from six o'clock on?"

"Well, it was six ten when Brother came back to my house with lots of wurst and beer. At eight twenty-two, Feliciano came over with some wine and pasta, and, well, basically we were very drunk" At this, the large man blushed uncharacteristically, betraying the fact that there might have been a bit more going on than he was letting on.

"You- You didn't do anything to Feliciano, did you, you bastard?" Now, Romano grew a bit worried. His brother seemed a bit _too_ friendly with the German at times, and what if he had been taken advantage of because of that?

"What? Of course I didn't. I wouldn't do anything to Feliciano, I promise." Romano wasn't quite sure he believed the bastard, but what could he do? He would just go ask his brother later.

"Alright, you say that my brother was there, so why didn't Potato Bastard Number Two say anything about that? Slightly suspicious, don't you think?"

"You mean Gilbert? Probably because he was too drunk to remember. He was already pretty out of it by the time Feliciano came over." Ludwig looked a bit exasperated now, and Romano figured it would probably be a good idea to leave soon. So now for the last question.

"Did you see any tomatoes last night?"

"Tomatoes? No, sorry, no tomatoes. Well, except for the few Feliciano had in his pasta, but there weren't too many in that. Well, hope you do well in whatever you're looking for."

As soon as Ludwig was done talking, Romano quickly pulled Spain up (as he was still half asleep, the bastard) and left Germany's house as fast as possible.

--

**Suspect #3**

"Vee~ Nii-chan, what are you doing home so early? I thought you said you were probably going to be back late tonight? And why are you wearing those clothes?" Veneziano had his usual stupid looking expression on his face, though he did seem happy to see Romano.

"That's not important. What were you doing after six o'clock on the night of August the fifth?"

"Eh? August fifth? I don't know… What's today?" Feliciano grinned, just as he always did when faced with something he didn't understand.

"Today is August sixth. Meaning, what were you doing last night?" His brother's stupidity could really get on Romano's nerves sometimes.

"Oh, last night! I made pasta, then I took it to Germany's house, and his brother was there, too, and we ate pasta and wurst and potatoes and cheese and beer and wine and…"

"Okay, that's enough, so, did you see anyone take Spain's tomatoes?" Romano knew from experience that while his brother might be hopeless at doing most things, he could remember what he ate in perfect detail. And would go on and on about it for a _very_ long time if allowed to.

"Hmm, I don't think so, vee~" He scrunched up his face, as if thinking very hard. "Oh, wait! I think I did see France-nii-chan carrying a big pile of something red. I didn't see very clearly, but maybe they were tomatoes?" Romano shuddered. He did _not_ want to see France. Well, maybe he'd make Spain do the next interview. Hopefully he'd slept enough by now, judging by the fact that he was asleep yet _again_. Antonio really should have known better than to start on this stupid mission at six in the morning.

"Well, good bye, Veneziano, see you later."

"Bye, Nii-chan~"

--

"Um, Spain?"

"Yes, Lovino?"

"Before we go into France's house, I need to ask you this. Could you do the interview instead? Because that bastard always starts acting really creepy whenever I talk to him…"

"Of course, Lovi. Whatever you want."

--

**Suspect #4**

"Hey, Francis. What were you doing last night?"

"Oh, why hello there, Antonio. And is that Lovino I see, hiding back there where he thinks I can't see him?" At this he winked in Romano's direction. "So, you want to know what I was doing last night? Well, I went to visit Arthur, and asked him if he would xxxxx and xxxxxxx or xxx xxxxxxxx xxx or—"

"That's enough, Francis. So, Feliciano said he saw you carrying a pile of something red, what was that?"

"Ah, that? That, mon ami, was the bunch of roses I was taking for Arthur. He threw them back in my face, though…" he added sadly. "I still have some. You can take a few if you want…" He nudged Antonio knowingly, winking in Romano's direction. "You can use them… However you see fit."

"Eh, no thanks, I think I'm fine. So, did you see any of my tomatoes last night? They seem to have gone missing…"

"No, I am sorry, I did not. But if you would like, I would be happy to go drinking with you, if that would cheer you up."

"Um, no, that's fine. I need to find them first."

Spain was about to leave, with a still terrified Romano clinging to him, when France decided to add one last comment. "Oh, and Romano, you look cute when you're being all angry and scared at the same time~ Well, au revoir~" Blowing a kiss and winking, Francis watched as they left.

--

"Well, Romano, I don't think it was Francis who stole them. Oh, stop shaking already; it's been ten minutes since we left his house."

"I-I'm not scared, it's just c-cold…"

"No it's not, Lovi. It's the middle of the summer, and very warm…"

"W-well, I'm still cold."

"Whatever you say, Lovi. How about we go visit Arthur now? Maybe he'll have some idea."

Seeming to calm down a bit, Romano nodded. "Alright, let's go see Arthur."

--

**Suspect #5**

"So, what were you doing the night of August the fifth?" Romano, once again calm, was ready to start interrogating people again.

England calmly took another sip of his tea. "I was being harassed by that idiot Francis. The git kept trying to give me his stupid roses while shouting things in French. Oh, and would you like some tea? It really is quite good."

"No, I do not want some of your stupid tea. So, did you happen to see any of Spain's tomatoes?"

"His tomatoes? Someone took them? No, I don't think I did… Oh, wait, I think that brat Peter was yelling something about tomatoes. His friend, Raivis I think, came over. He seemed kind of worried, and kept telling Peter to stop shouting. Finally they left, and I'm not sure what they did after that."

"Peter? And Raivis? Well, I guess we'll go see them next."

"I think Peter stayed the night at Raivis' house. So you should probably go there to look for them. And now, if you are quite finished here, then I ask you please leave me alone so I can get some rest. That git just would not let me sleep last night…"

Romano and Spain left England's house, Spain seemingly slightly more cheerful now that they had even a slight clue as to what might have happened to his precious tomatoes.

--

**Suspect #6 and Suspect #7**

"Hello, Romano!" A very excited Sealand bounced out the door of Latvia's house before Romano had even gotten a chance to knock. "Oh, and Antonio, too, of course~ I heard you were looking for something! Like detectives! Can I come, too?"

"Um, we have to interview you first. So, what were you doing on the night of August fifth?"

"That's… Last night, right? Me and Raivis went and took some of Ivan's-" At this moment, Latvia came running up and clamped a hand over Sealand's mouth.

"Shh, Peter, I told you not to tell anyone. That means no one!"

"But-but Raivis, they said I can be a detective with them if I help!"

At this point Romano cut in. "Fine, you guys don't have to tell us everything, but did you see any tomatoes?"

Sealand seemed happy to continue. "Oh yeah, Ivan had lots of them. Boxes and-"

"Peter, I said stop telling!" He turned towards Romano and Spain imploringly. "You won't tell anyone we told you, will you?"

Spain smiled comfortingly. "Of course not, we wouldn't do something like that. Right, Lovi?"

"…Right."

"See? Nothing to worry about. Now you two kids, go have fun."

Sealand immediately spoke up. "But weren't you going to let me be a detective, too?"

"We're going to visit Ivan now. Do you really want to come?" Spain's voice was as calm as ever, but just the mention of the Russian's name was enough to shake the eager boy.

"Oh. Well then, maybe not. But next time you definitely have to let me go too! Okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, kid, whatever you say. Now Spain, let's go find those precious tomatoes of yours so you can give me some. Right, you bastard?"

"Yes, Lovi, of course I'll give you some. Don't worry."

As Sealand waved an energetic good-bye, and Latvia a rather more hesitant one, Spain and Romano departed Latvia's house, on their way to see Russia, and hopefully find Spain's tomatoes, too.

--

**Suspect #8**

"I-Ivan, what were you doing the night of August the fifth?" Romano tried to put on his best brave face, although it was plain that he was actually quite frightened. Although Russia didn't scare him quite as much as France did. Now France, _he_ was _really_ scary, always trying to molest Romano. But now was not the time to think about that, now was the time to interrogate Russia. Right.

"August fifth is last night, da? Well, I was visiting Yao-kun. I found some lovely tomatoes, and I thought he could make good food out of them, so I gave them all to him. He made very delicious food, just like I thought! Ufufufu~ 3"

"You- you what?" Romano spluttered. "You _found_ tomatoes? Just lying around?"

"Da~ In boxes outside~" Russia still had a calm face on, although there seemed to be a strange glint in his eye, as if daring anyone to challenge him.

Spain seemed to remember something at this point. "Oh, that's right, I took them all out to let them get a bit of sun. I guess I just forgot to take them back inside…"

"What? You bastard, you could have mentioned that earlier. It might have saved me some work…"

"Well, Lovi, it doesn't matter now, does it? So Ivan, would you happen to know where Yao-kun is right now?""

"I think he's by your house, Antonio. So, would either of you two like some ohagi?" As he said the last part, he began pulling some ohagi out of the water pipe he had lying next to him.

Romano definitely didn't trust Russia. And he trusted the things Russia put in that pipe even less. What did he even use it for? Nothing good, probably… "S-sorry, Ivan, but not really. M-maybe next time? I think we have to go now. R-right, Spain?"

"Well, see you later, then~ I hope we can talk more, da?"

"Of-of course, Ivan. Now Spain, _let's go!_"

"Yes, yes, Lovi. Stop being in such a rush all of the time. Slow down for once. Well, goodbye, Ivan~"

--

_Back near Spain's house_

"Welcome to Chinatown, aru!"

"Wha- What are you doing here, you bastard?"

"That's not very nice, aru. I came all the way over here and set up a Chinatown, and you don't even appreciate it?"

"But… Why here at the tomato bastard's house?"

"Well, Ivan gave me all these tomatoes, aru. But they were all over here, aru. So I just built a whole Chinatown, and cooked them all, aru. So would you like some _fan qie chao dan_?"

"What? You cooked _all_ my tomatoes?" Spain sounded heartbroken. "But… I had so many! How did you cook _all_ of them?"

"I have lots of people to help me, aru. So, do you want any _fan qie chao dan_ or not? Just for you two, I'll give a special discounted price, aru."

"But… They were my tomatoes…"

"Just grow new ones, aru. So, half off, is it a deal?"

"Fine…." Though still crying a bit, Spain nevertheless seemed eager to eat the dish. "Lovi, come on. I'll treat you to some of whatever it is that China said in exchange for helping me, okay?"

"Hmph, you're such an idiot. And make sure to get me an extra big bowl! I want lots of tomatoes for all the time you wasted today, damn it!"

* * *

A note for those of you that don't speak Chinese: _fan qie chao dan_ is scrambled eggs and tomatoes. Not a particularly interesting dish, but the only Chinese food I can think of with tomatoes in it D: I mean, (one of) the Chinese name(s) for "tomato" is "fan qie" which means "foreign eggplant." Really. So not too much Chinese food with tomatoes.

Well, hope you had fun reading that. I know it was fun to write XD I think this is the longest thing I have ever written :O For school or anything...

August fifth is just a random date I picked, with no special significance. I started this sometime in July, and wasn't really planning to take this long to finish this XD In fact, I was hoping to finish a long time ago. But as usual, I procrastinated, so it took a long time...

Review please? Please? I want to improve... Since I really don't think I'm a very good writer :"D Even if all you have is to point out a typo, that's fine, because I hate typos. My last story not getting any reviews was rather depressing OTL


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